Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Rolling Cliché

While I consider myself left-of-center, I draw the line somewhere. I propose the National Leftist Cliché Elimination Act, which states:

I. No person shall affix more than one bumper sticker to their aut0mobile except:
  1. in cases where the automobile is more than twenty (20) years old, in which case they are used to hold said automobile together.
  2. in cases where the automobile is a motorcoach, in which case up to fifty-one (51) stickers of each of the United States and the District of Columbia may be affixed to the rear of the vehicle in celebration of the burning of tens of thousands of gallons of petroleum. N.B.: U.S. Possessions such as Puerto Rico and the U.S Virgin Islands are not permitted.
  3. in cases where the vehicle is a hybrid, which is allowed two (2) bumper stickers or decals, so long as one of them is an Obama sticker.
II. The following bumper stickers are to be determined illegal except in the Southern States:
  1. Confederate flags.
  2. Calvin urinating on anything.
  3. "If this van's rockin', don't come knockin'."
  4. Any bumper sticker that says "My other car is a _______."

So there ya go. So to all the well-meaning lefties who plaster their hybrids with stickers showing their loathing for all things Fox Newsy, let me just state that:
  • We know you hate Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld/etc. We're not to crazy about them ourselves.
  • We know you're against the war. We think it sucks too. No normal person likes war.
  • No one will ever mistake you a for a Republican. Take a step off the soapbox, please.
We'll get back to paddling soon.

Respectfully submitted,



Kris said...

If we eliminated those exceptions for southern states we could solve the traffic problems in Atlanta and Charlotte without spending a dime :)

Anonymous said...

I love this post, Darren! You may just hate my car, however.

Silbs said...

Can I co-sponsor the bill?