Monday, November 09, 2009

Bungling along...

"Ignorance and bungling with love are better
than wisdom and skill without.
" -Thoreau

Thoreau has always intrigued me, and at the same time I often feel H.D. is a tremendous buzzkill. He always finds the beauty in nature and the foolishness in humanity.

I think this rather idealistic. I have found both beauty in nature and foolishness in humanity, but at the same time, I have found nature to be somewhat harsh and unforgiving at times, and I have found the best of all possible in human beings.

On the other hand (can you sense ambiguity here?), I am often comforted by nature and disappointed by humanity.

I am wrestling with a problem. I am an avowed and chronic bungler. I am a mistake waiting to happen. I do dumb things and find myself thinking, "What were you thinking?" The answer usually is that I was thinking about doing what's best, but with a limited set of data.

Yes, I am an astute bungler, and I dabble in ignorance on the side.

My Saving Grace is that I love. Sometimes like Othello, who loved not wisely but too well. But most of the time, I try to do the best I can with what tools were given me and the few I picked up on the way to the game.

I struggle. I fail. I pick myself up again, fail, and pick myself up again. I am getting very strong from picking myself up. I am also learning how better to fall. I am a Black Belt in psychological Aikido.

This is a tough time of year for me. I have a pretty severe case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which has a stupid acronym. I use lots of giant lights and do all that stuff what is supposed to help, but I really need is to live in Patagonia half the year and in Alaska the other half. That's not my style, nor is it in my budget. I am firmly rooted in 43°4′N 89°24′W.

I usually don't write much when my energy is low or when the darkness kicks my butt, because I don't think anyone needs to read about how difficult life is with seasonal depression. But I also don't want my words to be misrepresenting the Canoelover Life. It ain't all dragonflies and paddling gear.

There are times like this when I sit and ponder the wondrous life I have; fantastic Wife 1.1, great Kids 1.0 and 2.0, Dog 2.0, etc. I have House 2.0, and have now lived in this home longer than any place I have ever lived. My home is my taproot, and we share it a lot with others. Friends enrich my life beyond my wildest expectations.

So welcome, friends, to the Canoelover of November. Five more weeks to Solstice and then, once the corner is turned, on we go to light and love. I'm looking forward to it.

Respectfully submitted,



HarrysWoolerStreamer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
April Femrite said...

Hang in there, winter isn't "quite" here yet. I often get depressed too when the daylight time begins to shrink....learning to go to bed earlier helps a bit. May have to take up skiing and/or ice skating under the lights to help get us through the dark nights.

canoelover said...

Hanging just fine. I will be having the largest burning of winter bonfire in history of the world. My Celtic roots run deep. :-)