Saturday, June 14, 2008

If we all pull together, we can kill the United Way

In my old job a few millenia back we had the annual giving campaign, an organized coercion that to this day reminds me of all I hate about cubicle farms and large state government buildings. The person in charge of the shakedown was a passive-aggressive fear-grimacing woman who wanted to make sure we got 100%. "Even if you only give a dollar a paycheck, we can still make our goal."

Our goal? Excuse me, but my goal would be to keep my hard-earned money and make sure it goes to a charity that doesn't give million-dollar severance packages and feels entitled to a little piece of everyone's paycheck, with a level of accountability reminiscent of a Pentagon budget.

I am now officially vindicated.

According to Charity Reports, the top management of United Way earns over a million dollars a year. For another example, the United Way reported a $1.5-million pension payment to its former chief executive, Ms. Beene, when she departed after only four years on the job.

In 2006, it was reported that the CEO of United Way used $190,000 worth of points redeemable for hotel stays that had been originally donated for charitable purposes. Do you really want your hard-earned money to pay for this?

To quote Peter Griffin, "This is freakin' sweet! " C'mon people, give 'til it hurts. Give 'til it hurts the United Way. Give to the Flat Earth Society. Give to Defenestrators Anonymous. Give to the Manhattan Asphalt Preservation Society. Give to anyone BUT the United Way.

Because if 100% of us decide to not give, they'll dry up and disappear forever. Do YOU want to be the person that keeps us from achieving our goal of 100%? Great. Just don't sign here on the little blue payroll deduction card.

1 comment:

Rosie said...

Wow. My state (uh, provincial) governmental agency did the exact same thing for the United Way. Still does. There are all sorts of Bagel Lunches, Pumpkin Growing Contests, 50/50 Draws, Outright Begging Campaigns, and...

(are you ready?)